facts-i-just-made-up:

facts-i-just-made-up:

The flute was invented by mistake when Bludnar Vikursen tried to build a battle axe that would kill any man or beast with one blow. He hired for ten gold pieces the illustrious Norkrandir Ulcersdottir, a blacksmith who had shoed the untameable horse of Vikrandur Lemonnskalp, who had broken the anvil of Dan-Dandesen Dunsen, and who had crushed in a single hammer strike the helm of Lothar Skrewskram of Salpsickleslaw.

But Norkrandir misunderstood and thought Bludnar wanted a weapon that could kill with a single blow, as in being blown upon. So Norkrandir built the first flute. It was capable of a high pitched note, to this date unduplicated, that could shatter eardrums and make brains bleed. Bludnar was baffled but used the flute in the Siege of Sijsage, and the Battle of Buttlebumbeedlebrew, and in his final assault on the Walls of Wikiwandwitaw. His body was to have been sent out to sea on a flaming ship with the flute, but his successor, Billy-Bob Bundurbudur, claimed it for himself and blew it to murder all who would stop him.

In time, Bundurbudur managed to play all kinds of notes on the flute, some said they were actually quite beautiful. Thus an instrument was born from what was once a terrible weapon. Bundurbudur became a world-class musician and composed several tunes, one of which would become the Norwegian National Anthem, to date the only national anthem that can be played only on a flute; And another tune which was used for the boss-battle theme of Final Fantasy 2(4).

Norkrandir Ulcersdottir’s fate remains unknown. Some say she moved to Italy and invented the Tuba, others claim she headed for the New World and there created the first Trombone. These are legends of course, she was likely killed in a Viking siege and buried in an unmarked grave, but that may not be the end- Some say that if you visit the site of her old shop, you can still hear a tune unlike anything else on Earth. It may be the wind in the trees, or the howling of wolves, but if you stand there yourself you might imagine it to be the last melody of the flute’s very inventor as she plays an ethereal flute of her ghostly design.

tl;dr the flute is a special kind of kazoo.